Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jack Sparrows Panama Canal & Latin America Cruise 2009



Sat 10th Jan 09

6:15 am ….. A freezing cold start to what will I`m sure be a memorable holiday. The Taxi drops us off at Terminal 2 at Manchester airport for a 10:15 am flight to Montego Bay in Jamaica , sound romantic ? ….Yes !. …At 9:45 am we boarded the Thomson flight , already knowing that …. Yes …… once again the Cap`n and I are flying and pity the other 300 or so passengers that don`t know quite yet that they will all be delayed ( We are always delayed when we fly ! ) . After a Myriad of excuses over the years the Airlines favourite is a Technical fault that may be corrected within an Hour or 30 seconds or when they decide to put a new bulb in to make the offending light ….. light up !!. Next update we get is that we are TWO and a half hours delayed and to rub salt in the gaping wound we will take even longer to get to our destination due to head winds , therefore turning a 9 and half hour flight into a whopping 12 hour one !.

A pretty uneventful flight occurred , reading , watching the onboard seat screens and becoming a three times Champion of Who wants to be a Millionaire ! , Chris Tarrant watch out ! . Filled out the compulsory Immigration forms and filed out of Montego Bay Airport at 6:15 pm , 11:15 pm English time , I can honestly say the nearest thing to Romantic was the Bob Marley look a like Bus driver who gave us an enlightened talk and showed us all the sights of Montego Bay in the pitch Black and I`m sure I will remember every detail if I ever return ! . He even sang a Jamaican welcome song in his Bob Marley voice and then we were deposited at the Cruise terminal to be greeted by the Ships Photographer for a memorable Photo for the start of our Cruise . A similar Photo probably when you are coming out of Anaesthetic or having your teeth pulled !!.Another Photo for the Cruise card is next and God only knows what you look like when they scan your little card at the security desk when you get on and off the Ship , we must look like a set of deranged Zombies from a Horror film ! .

Fortunately we knew where our Cabin was because we were in the same one when we went on her to the Fjords and in a Catatonic state we crashed out for a rest . The evening meal passed by in a blur and a Bore on our table who I think , expanded his thories on Egypt , the Pyramids and the paint that was intact after 4000 years (Wow) , I gave in and retired to the Cabin had a stiff Gin & Tonic and promptly went to sleep at approx 11:30pm exhausted.


Sun 11th Jan 09

Either the Gin & Tonic was very strong or our Ship was rolling up and down like the Cap`ns Black Pearl , at 4:00 am came a Woosh , Tinkle , Woosh every time the Ship moved , I finally located the
problem …… a loose bulb ….. yet more electronics …… it was in the lamp at the side of my bed and I duly fixed the problem by unscrewing the said bulb and put in the bedside cabinet ….. bliss. I slept until 6 am and my English body clock woke me up wide awake and drinking Coffee at 6:15 am ….. it`s wonderful to be on Holiday !! , right then up on Deck to walk a Mile before Sun up and no one else about , the only problem was that we could not open the doors to go on deck as the wind is blowing a force 8 and I`m likely to end up Overboard !!. We decide to go for breakfast in the lovely Coral dining room and sat next to a lovely Scouse lady whom I`m sure had her mouth taped up for Six weeks prior to the Cruise , wonderful really because I didn`t need to speak at all , just nod in-between mouthfuls of Toast and Marmalade !!. The Sky was overcast , warm but really windy and the Waves looked magnificent crashing over the sides of the Ship and I hope not in it !.We settle down to decide what to do with the rest of the day, no sunbathing then , two years of cold holidays and now experiencing another one courtesy of the good old Atlantic Ocean at her very best , beats even the Bay of Biscay !!. I read in the Artemis today that there is a cooking demonstration by our head Chef Andy Yuill , who turns out to be as Scottish as the hardest Glaswegian you have ever met !. The content of the Demonstration is the art of making a Mutton Curry , another Curry and a Spicy Corned Beef concoction ……. Wonderful !! , I hate cooking , eating and tasting Curries , oh well back to the drawing board. Onwards and Upwards and Sideways and Backwards depending which direction you are attempting to manoeuvre on this roller coaster of a Cruise …….. I`m sure the Force 8 has turned into a Force 9 !!.

Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jack Sparrows Panama Canal & Latin America Cruise 2009


Captains Welcome Aboard.

We all meet at 8:15 pm in Starlights for Canapés and Pre Dinner drinks , duly suited & booted , Hair and makeup , Evening Dress , new high heeled shoes and that’s just Cap`n Jack !!. Have you tried walking in 3 ½ “ heels with a Force 8 blowing outside and very little to hang onto I look like a cross between Max Wall and Long John Silver comes to mind , if it had been the Pirates theme night I would have looked the part , with a parrot on my shoulder of course !.
After two Gin & Tonics ( Yes I quite like them especially when they are Free ! ) I could not decide if the Ship had stopped rolling around or I had , anyway I successfully made my way to the captains Welcome dinner in the Coral which was really lovely and then onto the International lounge for the show and once again listened to the Pre Show rambling of a couple from Wales ( Whose coat is this Jacket Country ) about the flight from England , the delays etc etc etc … boring you bye now ? , I`m sure , they certainly bored me , we are on Holiday for Gods sake …. Cheer up !. Well the show was very good as the Headliners work there socks of to please , we then retired to bed at Midnight to hopefully have a good nights sleep

Cartagena

Well I woke up at 4:00 am …….. yes that’s right 4:00 am , my body clock has gone up the spout and I wander about the prom deck looking at the still night sky and wonder what the hell is going on. Cartagena we were told was not a safe port to wander around doing DIY so not having booked any trips we decided to chill all day doing nothing but try to catch up on some much needed sleep , quite a boring day really but we had other fish to fry a little later in our Cruise programme.


Colon ……. Tuesday 13/01/09

Well it`s the Cap`ns trip to the rain forest today and I have an appointment with Karlie at the Oasis Spa at 10:00 am. Sailing into the Harbour at Colon was very pretty with all the local children playing us in with a great sounding band , wearing very colourful local costumes whilst behind them in the Port building the local market traders were setting up stalls , but we were again advised that if you are not doing an organised trip don’t go in on your own ( Strange theme re-occurring ) .

Down to breakfast we go , once again in the Coral and met a charming couple but then only to be joined by another couple who lived in Malta but seemed to make most of their money from compensation claims for the disasters that happened to them on all the Cruise Lines known to man and probably some that were not ! . To say that his opinion was the only one that counted summed up what had been a good breakfast ruined. Anyway back to the morning , the Cap`n duly left with his little Orange sticker , back pack , camera , water , insect repellent for his foray into the Jungle , lets hope he comes back alive and well !!.
I duly arrive at the Oasis at 10:00 am for my Hair restyling and was met by Karlie , she had the poshest Brummie accent I have ever heard. She was a lovely Girl who missed her Mum badly and is leaving the Ship in a few months , I don`t think Cruising and working go together for her. We keep seeing this man around the Ship with a Pin striped suit and a Polo neck sweater drinking copious amounts of coffee and smoking a similar amount of Cigs. I thought he was a private Butler so I asked Karlie who he was and it turns out he is the Salon Manager and the staff call him `The Vicar` so he obviously hasn`t a lot of clients then !. Karlie sorted my Hair out and it should have looked gorgeous for £45:00 ! …… but never the less I was very pleased it . I had a very nice lunch on my own at the Conservatory and then sat on the Crystal deck reading and people watching and of course a G&T or two !. The Cap`n came back on board at approx 4:40 pm, he was really excited and loved his time in the Rain Forest. He teamed up with THREE Ladies; I can’t leave him for a minute. At this point I will hand you over to him to tell you about his adventure and then I will continue.

The Capons Rain Forest Trip

Right here we go then, I went down to the meeting point in Starlight’s and saw Yvonne and Frances waving violently to attract my attention and so I had to join them! . We all went on to Bus and my two ladies went to the back of the bus to sit down and I spotted a lady sat on her own and asked if I could join her. She was called Ellen and had travelled all over the world on Cruises after her aged Father had died and unfortunately so had her Husband and she was doing what they had both planned to do in their old age , she was sweet and a very interesting and independent woman.

The journey went through villages of unimaginable poverty and I felt really sad at this sight and also very privileged to be where I was. After a while we stopped for drinks and a loo stop at the most beautiful five star Hotel , all of our lot piling in on these residents who must have paid a fortune to be staying there and we must have ruined their morning and some !. Well when we arrived we were supposed to go in the Cable Cars in `Fives` and we were a `Four` and were not budging ! , the guy in charge relented and let us through to the front of the queue (Result) well what can I say as the Car set off and our guide talked us through this most wonderful forest , all kinds of colourful birds flying around and shouting through the canopy , marvellous Lizards and Snakes and Iguanas and the half way up as our guide was talking about the great Royal Palm trees a Troop of Howler Monkeys came storming through the trees and jumped single handed onto the stanchions holding the cables for our car. I was so taken back by this I completely forgot my Camera and missed an opportunity of a lifetime , the Howlers continued to pile through and crossed the ridge and disappeared into the Forest and all that was left was the very loud screaming , almost laughing at my schoolboy error !!. When we got to the top of the ride there was a great big Tower at the top and we all started to climb to the top , well what a sight that was when I turned around and saw for the very first time ……….. the Panama Canal !!! …….. it was the most amazing view and one which I will never ever forget …….. I took some Pictures of this !. after a mini talk by our guide we went back down the Tower and to my surprise we went back down on the Cable Car again so I had two do`s on the Car ……. Brilliant !. We then went to a butterfly house , a Reptile house ( Which I didn`t go to as I don`t do Zoo type things ) and then to an Orchid farm , well I had a perfect day alright and one I can dream about now I`m home . Back to Mrs CJ for you lot !.


Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jack Sparrows Panama Canal and Latin America Cruise 2009


Whilst onboard during the afternoon the RC Enchantment of the Seas berthed along side our ship and quit frankly the ship could have stayed in her home Port , probably Florida and pretended to be in Colon as the Tannoy system , Jamaican music and the Clothes of the Americans onboard where far louder than any of the locals “Gee Harry is that a piece of Coal ?” …. A private joke for me and the Cap`n when we were on an old steam boat on the Broads years ago……. They were very loud and very American !!.

The evening show was early and featured all the songs from Abba and once again the Footlights Company gave their all and never fail to impress me. We had a table for two in the Coral Dining Room courtesy of the very efficient Mr Dias , and we had a lovely evening meal and I now have just managed to remember our waiters names Suresh & Jose through word association … ie …. Charlie Shreen and Jose Carreras !! . There was a Caribbean party upstairs by the Crystal Pool but the Cap`n was tired after a hard day enjoying himself in the Jungle ……. So we left it to the Old Un`s.



Limon Costa Rica Wednesday 14/01/09


Woke yet again at 5:00 am and my body clock will just not behave , so I`ve resigned myself to very early mornings !! . Up on the Crystal Pool area where I meet a very nice old Gentleman swimming and as usual the `Vicar` having his Caffeine boost , also a very energetic 70 something chap who usually walks probably 3 Miles Round and Round on the upper Deck and is making me Dizzy !!.

Today I am very excited as we are going to the Sloth Sanctuary ! . The Ship Docks at Limon Port and it is a very pretty harbour only tiny but none the less very pretty , but no sooner have we berthed but up at the side of us came the RC Vision of the Seas , yet another American Cruise Ship …… are we destined to be followed all around these Ports by the Obarma Crew !!

At Breakfast we met a Lady who is going on our trip and another Couple going on the River Raft trip. After Breakfast which went down very well and no Bores or Compo Claimants to be seen … Bliss !. We all met down at the International Lounge for the Obligatory sticker F1-1 and depart for the Sloths !. The tour guide was very informative and at one point on the outward journey the Coach just pulled up sharply and then reversed the Coach to point out a Sloth hanging in a Tree !! , honestly he must have had eyes in the back of his head or that he saw the Sloth on his way to pick us up at the Port and knew it would still be there on the way back , well they do sleep for up to 18 hours a day ! , well it took me the best part of 10 Minutes to find it languishing in a fork in the tree top sound asleep ….. I`m going to like Sloths !.

When we get to the Sloth Sanctuary we were treated to a lovely film about the conservation and rescue of the Sloths and then after the film had finished in walked the owner of the rescue centre and introduced us to `Buttercup` the longest resident of the centre and I feel very privileged to hold her and have my Photograph taken with her , to be able to touch and feel these incredible animals was amazing ….. I was in love instantly !. Human cruelty and greed are causing harm to these wonderful creatures and I feel so sad that my species can do these terrible things to these loveable animals ……. Shame on the human race !.

We then went on a Canoe ride into the Cap`n s favourite place …. The Rain Forest and with about 6” between me and the water I stepped into the Canoe with some trepidation ! . This Canoe ride was so quite and apart from the Paddle gliding through the water , it was so earily calm. The birds we saw along the way were fantastic , bright Yellow and Brown and a beautiful Red winged Blackbird with the most vivid Scarlet wings you could ever imagine. Bamboo , wonderful bright Green Lizards and of course the Sloths that had been released back into the wild after some TLC by the rescue centre …… this was a dream like experience we will never forget .

After the Canoe ride we went for a short walk through a nature trail which had cage`s here and there to safety let the Sloths back into the wild and fabulous Royal Palm trees which the Cap`n pointed out to me , well this place was truly magical. We went back to the centre where we had a much needed drink of water as the Humidity was over powering , at the centre at the back of the restaurant there was about 100 cage`s which were immaculatey clean , all with injured and recovering Sloths all being cared for and nursed back to health. We saw some cuddled in blankets , one flat out with one hand holding the bar of the cage and when I went to his cage he blinked and looked at me and smiled ……. Fantastic !!.

On our return trip the driver stopped at his brothers fruit shop and brought on the Coach Bananas of course and Cacao Palm !. I thoroughly enjoyed this trip and have decided that instead of Christmas presents this year I am going to adopt a Sloth for all my family !!. As we drove back to Ship we saw the poverty and lack of adequate housing , just corrugated shacks etc , it brought home a sharp reminder of how fortunate we are.



Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jack Sparrows Panama Canal & Latin America Cruise 2009


The ship left Port tonight at 6 pm to sail through the Panama Canal in the morning , but , prior to leaving quite a few of us were sat on the Prom deck with a glass or three of something Alcholic and our ships horn blew and of course facing directly across from us were the American passengers and crew. So we gave a rousing rendition of our last night at the proms with Rule Brittania being sung loud and clear across the water. We received lots of hooping and holering and eventually a fantastic round of applause as we set sail for the great Panama Canal !.

We went to a Piano recital which was very good although the young lady pianist from time to time looked as though she was struggling to stay awake , I must admit so was I !. The menu tonight was better than last nights although why I ever thought I would like Baked Banana with Smokey Bacon for a starter and Jerk Pork for main course probably had something to do with the Lager I had consumed during the sail away singing !. The show tonight was a Comedian which according to the Artemis today had won `New Faces` and has probably been doing the circuit for years , his passed in a blur and so we went to bed , this time I wanted to be up early at 5 am to watch this beautiful Ship sail through the Panama Canal , which will take us approx 9 hours !!.
The Panama Canal Transit Thurs 15 th Jan 2009



We were up with the Larks and on Deck at 5:45 am along with the other 1200 passengers !!! . The entrance to the Canal locks just looks incredible , I have never seen so many large Container ships all waiting to go through in one day , all due South in the morning and all due North in the afternoon. Artemis was code named Hotel 10 Zebra ….. which means …. Hotel heading South …. 10 was the 10th Vessel through this morning and Zebra is classing us as a Cruise Ship ( The Cap`n was quite impressed by my Knowledge but don`t tell him I read it in the Mag ! ). The cost of our Ship to P & O was a mind bending $187.000,00 for a nine hour transit , the Mules which are attached by lines to the Ship run parallel and guide the Ship into position and each one of these Mules cost $2,000,000,00 each and there must be at least 20 of these machines running up and down. This makes any Canal lock system at home very insignificant but obviously the system works the same.

The first set takes us into The Gatun Lake which is stunning , it reminds me very much of Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn country , very sleepy with little huts and creeks appearing on the shoreline. Container Ships are waiting to go North and we pass them by with their strange and bewildering Cargo`s , from yard after yard of metal pipes being pushed forward in a giant snake like formation to concrete middle sections of wind turbines. This part of the Canal is huge and work has already begun on expanding to take even bigger Vessels.

The second Lock then took us through to what is the only `Dug` out system done in 1914 , it is the smallest part of the Canal and only one Ship is allowed at any one time , this is the Gamboa Lock and when the Cap`n went on his trip to the Rain Forest this was the part of the Canal he could see from the top and I actually saw the top of the Tower he climbed , it was high up on the side of the Jungle and boy am I glad that I did not go with him !!. Like I said this is the part of the Canal, which is being widened, and we see boats loaded with Dynamite regularly passing us by ( Put that Fag out quick ! ).

The third and final Lock is the Miraflores and it is just like a tiny but very pretty old Railway Station , having flowers and gardens and a cultural centre where obviously our Ship had been spotted as the whole building was full of children and adults waving and clapping us through. The amount of time it takes to complete these Locks is not in itself slow , it just seemed like a blink of an eye and we were through !. Around the headland was the spectacular view of Panama City , with it`s Skyscrapers , more reminiscent of Manhattan than Mark Twain !!.

That evening the show `I write the songs` at 7:15 pm was once again excellent considering the sea had been a bit choppy , how they manage to dance is a miracle as I look like one of the Sailors doing the Pipe dance … and that’s just walking. At the evening meal Suresh and Jose are once again on good form , maybe its only me but they have Cheeky smiles and seem happy to see us coming to the table. I think by now they have sorted out that I only eat small portions , the Cap`n eats everything !. We met up with Frances and Yvonne up on Deck where the Cap`n and Frances caught up with the next trips etc and I listened to Yvonne about Elephants and other nasty beasties in the African Savannah ! , how the Hell we ever got onto that subject illudes me ! Ah well ….


Friday 16 th Jan 09 ……. A Sea Day .


Today is a Sea day so basically it`s lazy days , filled in yesterdays log , had breakfast at 8:00 am ( My usual Orange & Grapefruit segments , Bacon & Plum Tomatoes and a slice of Toast ) . Went up to the Crystal pool and sunbathed from 9:15 am to 11:00 am. The weather is hot and humid and quite honestly the amount of sun burnt bodies quite put me off , it seems the entire population of the ship has gathered on the sun decks and every sunbed by now at 11:30 am is either covered in a towel , a hat or a book and we complain about the Germans ! , let me tell you , most of them are the `Older` Cruise clients and take it as their God given right to hog every available space !.

Lunch today , we decided to eat in the Conservatory which is self service and I have seen Four year olds behave better , rude , pushy, shoving , for goodness sake the way some people behave you would think they have been starved for the past week instead of piling their plates with as much food as is humanly possible to eat in one sitting , they have Meat mixed with Fish , Hot , Cold , Salads and Soup on one Plate ! , the old `I`ve paid for it so I am going to eat it !.

Sitting around the pool area this afternoon is quite a revelation , for so called matching Bikinis and Sarongs the dreaded Crocs Sandals in the most bizarre colours and the Men far more impeccably dressed than the Women , what an eclectic mix we have. A few Men wearing Panama hats and I think they were all sold in the same size …….. too small , as all they do is just `Sit` atop their heads !. The Seventeen stone prima donna sat with one foot up resting in the Pool and reading a book ….. well we all know what happens when water covers a book ……. The pages go floating on top of the pool water … well you`ll have to buy another book sweetie !!. It`s 3;20 pm and the Sun is still high in the sky and the die hards are still valiently baking , I`m thinking that your thinking …. “My tan and skin cancer will be so much better than yours” …… what a thought that is . The Seventy plus men with Tattoos that actually now look Seventy and faded , the shocking `Pink` bombshell who can out drink any of the tattooed tars on board and a final note I have just had a wonderful conversation with Metaxia and Geoff , well he was really quite but she was a lovely informative woman originally from Athens.

The sea is the calmest it has been for the best part of the week , maybe because we are now in the Pacific and not the Atlantic , should we do a Transatlantic ?. a bit more refined place is on the Prom deck there is a more genteel breed , until I arrive and see that there are no seats ! . Well after a while we spot two and we face the dying embers of the Sun until the power walkers start their evening ritual , and yes I do believe our head Chef loves his own food because we have seen him , I Pod in place , blank expression on his face hoping that no one sees him doing his Mile ! , and yes he has put on a few pounds since our last Cruise on Artemis !.








Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jacks Panama Canal Cruise 2009



Saturday 17th Jan 09 Puntenares Costa Rica


Early start this morning , up on Deck with the three Amigo`s .. ie .. The Swimmer , The Walker wizzing round and round , The Vicar who of course is busy having his first caffeine rush of the day and a few Fags to boot !. Quite fascinating up on top as we watch Captain Box berth Artemis from the side bridge , it was so good to see him and the crew pulling levers and pulling more levers as we slowly creeped forward to the side of the Port , certainly beats reversing the Car into a supermarket car park !.

Quite a lot of trips are out and about today but as we went to the Sloth Sanctuary on our first trip to Costa Rica we walked on shore . The weather on this side of the Coast is not as Humid , but it is still very Hot !. The coastlines of South America are beautiful and the Country’s are a Revelation . As you leave the Ship , you run a gauntlet of Taxi men drivers all wanting the Dollar and it can be a bit intimidating and I would not like to go ashore on my own. The country is supposedly one of the richest in South America but it is quite sad when you look around at all the poverty and inadequate living conditions.

The little markets that appear on every Port are very colourful and the same trinkets and leather goods just transverse from Port to Port , only the names change. Once you have walked the Port area there is very little to see and the outward exterior is calm and smiling but once passed the gates you feel very much aware of your surroundings and it can be a little unnerving. We stayed on shore for only about an hour ( Seen one Market etc ) and made our way back to the Ship.

We located two seats on the Prom Deck and watched the Pelicans diving for fish , they are so adept at spotting their Prey and circle high in the sky and then just streamline their bodies straight into the water like arrows , come back out of the water with their catch of the day !. Spent most of the afternoon just relaxing and reading , being Saturday and the weekend , the locals of Puntenaras were out in pleasure boat rides , for them it was a trip out to the sides of our lovely Ship all shouting “Millionaries” … I wish !. The evening meal at 8:30 pm was very good (Again) and I`m just hoping my Dress for the Black & White Night Ball on Monday will still fit me !. It amazes me how the Waiters etc., remember everyone’s names after all the hundreds of passengers they have fed and watered since July , most of them work until April or May and then go home for a two month rest.
We decided to miss the show and go and watch the Artemis Millionare , it was good fun. We thoroughly enjoyed the first two contestants who , probably found it as nerve racking as being on the real thing. The third contestant however was just a bit too clever and when asked the National Airline of Australia , she replied “ Queensland And Northern Territories Air Service” …. Or Qantas as it is better known !. Well that will do for me , why doesn`t she apply to the real programme , so ended my night with the Quiz buffs , in fact as I write this journal this morning my Husband has a top on with a motif `Kangol` , wonder if I should find her and ask what it means , obviously something to do with Australia as a Kangaroo is sewn above the badge !.



Sunday 18th Jan 2009 ……. San Juan Del Sur .


Go up on Deck this morning to watch the Ship being berthed as we found it so fascinating , only to remember an hour later we were `Tendering` ( It pays to read Atemis Today ) , so the next worthwhile thing to watch was the Anchors being dropped and the Ship stabilised !. We watched as they lowered the `Life Boats` into the water but I do hope if ever there is an emergency they work a damn sight faster than now otherwise we will all be swimming to the shoreline !. Todays trips are to a Lake , an Ariel Tram ride and the Sights and Sounds of Nicaragua but when you`ve seen one rainforest they pretty much all look the same (Well not really but you know what I mean). San Juan looks very pretty from the Ship and the houses on the Coastline are fantastic but as this is the poorest Country on our travels I wonder who affords these Houses or maybe … which drug Baron !. The Tender in today takes roughly 15 minutes and we berth up in a lovely jetty area that is as Bright and Colourful as the proverbial market stalls behind it. A Steel Band from the local Fire service plays us in , there is a Dummy Fireman complete with boots for donations to the Fire Service. The stalls are monitored by security and only a few seem to be allowed permits, as once we go through the Gated Port Area we are bombarded with Horse & Carriage Rides , Taxis , Bicycle Rides and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all !. I find this very off – putting but as this is probably their only source of income perhaps understandable. The Main street is once again very poor although the Promenade is a very nice area and the locals walk round with large trays piled high with Cashew Nuts and various dried fruits , one man with an Ice Cream cart selling Slush Puppies but , nothing like the sophisticated whirling machines at our local seaside resorts , just a block of Ice which he scrapes with what looks like our Windscreen Scrapers in winter and shaves off a solid block of Ice into a cup and pours fruit syrup over it … all for One Dollar !. We walk past the main area of the beach and once again we see uneven pavements and outside one café what appears to be a Mosaic of porcelain plates smashed up and used as floor tiles !. I have my photo taken with Cap`n Jack outside a Restaurant and I think he gets younger looking on every trip !.
On the way back to the Port we are met by the most Colourful spectacle , the towns people are going to Church , either a feast day or just part of the Sunday Worship , they all look very happy and sing all the way , the children in Sunday best and all the adults greeting us and a local band keeping time. One of the congregation is carrying the Idol of the Virgin Mary in a casket above her head and lots of containers of food are carried by everyone …. At home we call it ` A Jacob`s Join` … maybe it`s the same here ?. The Ladies are imploring us to join them with hand gesture`s , they are speaking in Spanish of course and how I wish my Sister in Law was with us as she speaks fluent Spanish and would have been able to translate for us , but sometimes hands have a language of there own.

We go back through the Port area and deposit a few Dollars into the Fireman’s Wellie and was surprised to be thanked by an American Fireman (Maybe waiting for the RC Ships to come in behind us !) what a fantastic place to work !. Once back onboard we had a quick shower and went down to the Coral for Lunch , just before going in I read the Dinner Menu and Yes ! ……. It`s Sunday …… so it`s Roast Beef and Yorkshire Puds , an odd lot aren’t we ..`You can take the Brits out of England but you can`t take the roast Beef out of the Brits`. After lunch we sat in the Crystal Pool area and read our books for a while and then watched a school of Dolphins play around the bows of the Ship. I ordered a Lager at the Bar and was quite worried that they knew my name ( Maybe I`m just a little Paranoid ) . We sat and chatted to a few people until sail away which , was quite a muted affair as I expected to be a little bit more lively. Anyway at Dinner that night the Roast Beef was superb and a lovely bottle of Rose wine I retired to bed after a very hard day ….. Relaxing !!. Just a note about Jose one of our lovely waiters , his family consist of a Brother who is a Priest , a Sister who is a Deaf Mute and a Mum & Dad back in Mumbai and Jose has been with P&O for 3 years but is still a `Baby` waiter with a striped bow tie and wants a Black one !.





Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jacks Panama Canal Cruise 2009


Monday 19 th Jan ……….. Sea Day .


Determined to sleep in this morning , I manage to sleep until 6:00 am ………. Erm !. Showered and dressed and up to the Crystal pool for my daily meeting with the three Amigo`s , we are now on Nodding and Chatting terms ….. Weather is very warm with no wind even at this early hour , wrote a few pages for my journal then went down to breakfast at 8:00 am … a late one today. With the usual mix of people , amazing really that we have not sat with the same people twice in nine days or so on board but , the majority have been very friendly apart from the Lady across on the next table who would not have been out of place in Regency England with a pomander under her nose to ward off the offending odours of the common classes and the Sixteen stone blubbering mass of a Twenty something son , complaining there was no t`internet signals for the day ( Poor Henry ) , no wonder there was no sign of the Husband , probably just glad to feign a hangover and stay in bed !!. After breakfast we went up on Deck Nine to find a sunbed ( It`s and issue on this site ) at 9:15 am and was pleasantly surprised to find quite a few ….. empty , so I put the I Pod on , creamed up and relaxed for 2 hours , which is enough in this heat believe me and the heap of ultra bronzed bodies surrounding me are not enjoying it ….. honestly they cannot be can they ?. They will go home and wear Sweaters , Trousers and Thermals if the daily weather forecast is to be believed , back to the old adage ….. I`ve paid for it etc.,. The Cap`n is off to E-Mail home , The Cap`n padding around the Ship to stay away from the Sun , The Cap`n popping up here and there at various times , no wonder he loved the Norwegian Fjords , at least I saw him there !!. Came back down on the Prom Deck at 11:30 am to read my book for a little while and then went back to the cabin for a shower again and down to lunch . The Restaurant is lovely and cool and welcoming , service is impeccable and not Cafeteria style like the Conservatory and judging by the amount of people eating today , a preferred choice. After lunch the Cap`n is off to watch the football on TV and I`m going Whale and Dolphin watching from the top Deck of the Ship. I have not been disappointed , two schools of Dolphins and numerous Sea Turtles bobbing along in the wash of the Ship. The Turtles are not Huge Leather Back one`s but small Brown and Green one`s , very pretty and look like small balls floating in the sea. The Dolphins play and jump and the Sea turns a beautiful sparkling Silver where they enter the water …….. I am truly blessed. People take so much for granted but never appreciate what is in front of them “Oh are the Dolphins playing then ?” …. A comment I have just overheard and I say in my head … ` See many Dolphins in Manchester , Luton or whatever town you come from …. No I don`t think so , would you sooner have a Dolphin sticker on your Cocktail of the day then ? . Whilst writing my Journal this afternoon my waiter has been most attentive , his name is Salyman and is lovely , smiling and happy or trained to be a happy man and this is what Cruising is all about. I feel safe and happy to sit on my own without feeling ostracised from the rest of the Cruise. You can be or do as much as much or as little as you want to. I have spoken to Metaxia and Geoff and she has been asking how my journal has been coming along , as I said , Metaxia I met a few days ago and she is a complete mine of information , being born in Athens and all things Greek which is my now second love , after many years of holidaying on Greek Islands , she is a charming mix of old Greek standards and new Greek ways. A fascinating Lady and a real pleasure to listen to , I think as in all Greek marriages Metaxia does the talking and Geoff does the listening , however the Men think they take charge !!. Next , we met up with The Nottingham & Partner and discussed the merits of the tiny little Turtles bobbing along against the Massive Leatherhead Turtles in the Caribbean , not having been to the aforementioned place I was quite happy to see any Turtle bobbing along in it`s OWN environment !!.
A note back to lunch …

A couple of Portunas Club Members across from us , on the same tier as us `Ruby` were not fortunate enough to be asked to Lunch , although the Menu was the same , ` You just had to pay for your own wine` , he stated that the Hierache were all dining and he should have been invited , well another 15 Cruise`s and may be Sir ! .

Tonight is Black & White night which I am sure quite a few of the guests mistook for the `James Bond Night`, so I am having a bet with the Cap`n how many of the same outfits I see tonight. Personally I have been dressed by `Wallis` , the shoes don`t fit so I will be in Champagne kitten heels which hopefully match with any outfit !. What a mixture of outfits , once again the Men outshine the Ladies , from full dressed kilts to fancy waistcoats and bow ties , the ladies on the otherhand wore a complete mix of ultra sparkly to the down right understated with jumper and skirts … unbelievable !. The food as usual is served by our Vanishing waiter Suresh who , appears as if by Magic once we are seated , he has a beautiful smile to die for and a charming manner and we can forgive him anything. The after dinner speaker tonight is Colin Somebody from `The Bill` and was as dull as dishwater , I think I could be better and should apply for the job ! , I can only assume that the budget for artists is not huge !. So it`s early to bed and ready for Mexico tomorrow !!.


Tuesday 20 th Jan 09 ………. Huatulco …… Mexico.


Woke up later today at 7:00 am as the Ship is due in Port at 8:00 am so , we went up to deck nine where we watched Captain Box ( Or Boxy as my Cap`n calls him !) reverse his Ship into it`s berth. The man is amazing , his calm manner and deft touch is absolutely fascinating to watch. After breakfast we disembarked and walked into the prettiest place we have been so far on this Cruise . It is a purpose built resort and maybe we have seen it at it`s best , because I think in maybe another five years or so it will not be recognisable , given the amount of building work that is being started ….. shame really.

The Bays are fantastic and the little beach side cafes with Bamboo roofs give a brilliant source of shade to sit with an ice cool Corona & Lime in the morning sunshine. We watched the crew of Artemis doing a full Emergency Drill , with all the Lifeboats and Dinghy’s being lowered into the water , they are still quite slow I must admit and I hope the time quota is faster if we need them for real !. It is quite refreshing that instead of Market Stalls there are quite a few Local shops , although we are still hassled from the shopkeepers nut no more than in many European Cities. The `Lucky Lucky` lads are replaced by young Girls and older women , walking around the beach area with Necklaces and Bags etc., but I draw the line at my photograph taken with a Bloody great Iguana ! , a bit like the Snakes on Blackpool front ! . We strolled back to the Ship and back onboard for Lunch , which was good but unfortunately we had a power cut and all the electric’s cut out and it went very dark in the Coral Dining Room , the funny part was that everyone in the Restaurant carried on as though nothing happened , the waiters running around like scalded Cats and one chap saying “ Excuse me where`s my Soup ?” … how terribly British !!. After some delicious Coconut Ice Cream we walked back onshore to sit ,watch and for me to catch up on my Journal. Watching all the people on this beach , all mainly from Artemis it obviously creates some small measure of good for the local economy. I`m quite getting the taste for this Corona , Salt and Lime and I will be very sad to be leaving this little haven but at least when I look back on my notes , I will be able to conjure the picture in an instant .

The tiny fishing boats mixed with the Jet Skis and the 3 beach tours which apparently were a local tourist rip off , our Majestic Ship berthed along side. To the other side of the Bay , a Million pound Yacht complete with crew all immaculately dressed in matching polo shirts and baseball caps , working hard cleaning an already immaculate Yacht. The locals and tourists mixing together apparently without any apathy on either side , I hope it remains the same but I very much think the `Dollar` will be the final God !. We were sat in a beach bar called Mary Luz …. How Dejavu after being in Praire De Luz Portugal the year little Maddie went missing …. A time for reflection indeed.

The group sat across from our beach bar table were negoating for a Silver and Blue bracelet with matching ear rings and after a lot of haggling paid $130.00 !! … how mad is that ? , we could have probably bought the same in a local market at home for a`Tenner` , that`s what Sun , Sea and a couple of Coronas can do for you !!. Back onboard we sit and relax and watch the Turtles bobbing along past the Ship. The Sailaway tonight at 5:45 pm was really good fun , it was `The Best of British` with Union Jacks , Irish , Scottish and Welsh Flags waving about with Gusto and some people doing Irish Jigs , Scottish Reels and me and The Cap`n playing `Air Guitars` to Status Quo . it was an excellent evening send off and the Ship`s Photographer couldn`t take our picture for laughing a us !!. After the evening meal we went up to the Crystal Pool area where , there was a 60`s and 70`s night disco and some of the costumes were very good with Affro wig`s and stacked heels in abundance , after a while we went to the quiz but found no partners so it was a hopeless task against the Pro`s , we retired that night very contented indeed , our friends say to us …… I`d be bored on a Cruise , there will be nothing to do !! …. NOT !!.






Mr & Mrs Cap`n Jack`s Panama Canal Cruise Jan 2009


Wednesday 21/01/2009 ……….. Sea Day .


Today is the last Sea Day so I am going on to the top Deck to Sunbathe for an hour or so and the Cap`n is going to the Starlight Lounge to see how the Shows are staged . I think it`s just the thought of the pretty Girls getting changed he is going for !. Anyway my I Pod on , Suncream and I`m ok for a Lay down on a sunbed , but watching off the Bow of the Ship I have seen some Flying fish and three schools of Dolphins , I think I even managed to get a photograph of one and will find out later off the Cap`n , I was hoping to glimpse a Whale but I was not lucky enough but the little Turtles keep on bobbing like little round footballs in the water.

This afternoon the Cap`n went to the Galley walk through and Chocoholics at 3:15 pm but was back by 3:30 pm , it was the quickest walk through ever !. The Chef Andy Yuill was there and said he wasn`t going to give a talk but just stood there and looked like a Lemon , it was left to the other Chef`s to explain the workings of the Kitchen but obviously you are only allowed into a small are of the Kitchen.

The evening meal tonight was the `Prestigious` one , in Commemoration of the French order of `Chaine Des Rotisseurs` awarded to P & O Cruise`s. Well it lived up to the hype , excellent in fact . The chap sat across from us had run out of his `Wine Package` and came over and asked us what wine we had ordered ( A Litre of house Red) he promptly ordered the same and duly commented “ Yes it`s quite drinkable actually” , yes we know mate and not a patch of the ridiculously high prices he`d been paying £18.50 for a Berringer Shiraz , your having a laugh ……. £5.20 at Asda back home … tops . Anyway … towards the end of the meal all the Head Chefs were presented to us , from Pastry , Butchers etc,. with Executive Chef Andy standing in the centre looking slightly embarrassed , with his very very tall Chefs hat and his Pink ribbon and Medal around his neck . All the other lads came out to a rousing applause and napkins waving …… it`s always a favourite moment for us all.

The Show tonight was `Another Opening Another Show` and it was very good but I felt like an O.A.P as I could not stay awake and I think I slept through half the show , how that happened I don`t know as I had done next to nothing all day except deciding what to eat and where !!.


Thursday 22/01/2009 …….. Zihuatanejo.

Today the Ship has anchored out in the bay and it does look a lovely place we are going to explore. It also turns out to be the place and beach that Andy Dufresne restores a boat with `Red` in the film Shawshank Redemption …. And our favourite line is in the film but we didn`t know we were going to be here , which was a big bonus , here is the line …. "Zihuatanejo," he said, rolling the word softly from his tongue like music. "Down in Mexico. It's a little place maybe twenty miles from Playa Azul and Mexico Highway 37. It's a hundred miles north-east of Acapulco on the Pacific Ocean. You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific?"
I told him I didn't.
"They say it has no memory. And that's where I want to finish out my life, Red. In a warm place that has no memory." ……….and we are here , Just brilliant ! . We tender in about 9:15 am and take a pretty coastal road walk around to the next Bay , but it was very warm 28c and was only early in the day. We stroll leisurely around watching the locals selling Coconut juice , necklaces and wooden and Silver trinkets. The goods are certainly more expensive here and a little more commercialised and there are a lot more American tourists about who are still doing Business on there mobiles instead of enjoying the warm sunshine eg overheard conversation with a waiter at a beach café “ Say , do you have a whole Fish?” , what a stupid comment , about 30 Pelicans have been fishing in the Bay for the last 30 minutes so I`m sure there must be whole fish in the Sea !!.

Took a photograph of what must have been 10 to 20 Pelicans perched on a fishing boat , all drying off from their mornings hard work. Took a stroll through the local market area but it does look a bit dodgy , I think if you stay within the main areas it`s alright but there is so much poverty ,it`s better to be safe than sorry. As we came back to Artemis the `Driver` Alex asked if we would like to see the Pelicans close up , of course he came up along side of the boat I had run over burning sand to photograph earlier , so the Cap`n took a lot better photo than me !! , Bugger it !!. Went down to the Coral for lunch and as usual Suresh was happy to hide and look busy without exerting himself , our other `Baby` waiter Jose must be upstairs today , the boys certainly have their work cut out as they pop up here and there in different guises all over the Ships bars and grills and in the Conservatory. Jose is a particularly pleasant lad and constantly peeps at me round corners , he really makes me smile.

Did an hour of sunbathing after lunch , it is really hot and the Cap`n went to the Cyber Net to e-mail home and whilst in there , our Ships Captain (Boxy) came in , and the Cap`n asked the Captain if the internet would be available tomorrow as this would be our last full day , Boxy laughing , said “ I don`t know I`m only the driver !”.

NB …… at the beach we saw a beautiful Marlin which had been caught by an American and he was bartering the price to either sell it to the Mexicans or better still how to ship his trophy home to the States , it seemed a shame to see such a specimen on the shore but I don`t think twice about buying fresh Salmon or Haddock so there is no difference really I suppose.

The Sailaway days have been better on other Cruises but I must admit it is very pleasant sailing away from such pretty little places and taking home some wonderful memories. With the sun setting in a blaze of fire and wondering what the next Port will hold , I cannot wait.



Friday January 23rd …. …….. Acapulco


Docked this morning in Acapulco ……… and low and behold right behind us was …….. Aurora !! ….. she turned around and `Reversed` up to us ….. bum to bum !! . Some of the staff were on the top Deck waving to friends and relatives , they were all excited as were we !. Instead of an overnight stay in the dock we are here until 10:30pm ish and Artemis will sail to anchor out and return tomorrow for disembarking at 7:00am.

We did try to go on a trip to release baby Turtles but it was fully booked so we decided to wander around Acapulco with it`s vision`s of the Jet Set and Pretty things descending on it`s shores …… what a disappointment ! , although running the barrage of about 50 taxi drivers congregated on the quayside like vultures , did make me feel I needed extra large dark glasses and a Hermes scarf to hide my face !. We made it to the sidewalk and what a hellhole !!. After the pretty little bays at Hualtalco and Zee What A Nee Hoo this is welcome to the dark side !. Six lanes of non stop traffic , and I mean non stop , Police with AK 47`s , Pistols and Mace Spray , buses about 50 years old all with there windows smashed by bricks , covered in Graffiti and we passed a `Fish Market` that was no more than sheets thrown on the ground with the fish resting on top , in baking heat and Humidity ,Salmonella just waiting to be eaten !. We eventually crossed the SIX lane Highway , dodging Trucks and Herbies (Every Taxi is a Herbie Beetle ) , walked or rather tip toed through a burst water main on the opposite side and passed a large Super Mercardo to the Market. The Market ? , well imagine this , dirt , uneven roads , a maze of going in one shop and ending up in other , street stalls of Veg and Fruit , all the outer leaves thrown onto the floor , Chickens in cages ready to be killed … “Very Fresh Amigo” and what appears to be 5000 people popping up behind your shoulder if you even stop to breathe , offering “You try you Buy Amigo” …. “No Thank You” . This quite possibly the worst place I have ever visited on this trip and I strongly advise you to take a trip to anywhere on the Itinerary’s provided. The Acapulco of my Dreams was really my worst Nightmare !. Well lets get back to Ship …. Our Sanctuary ….. and the gauntlet of Taxi drivers are still asking …….. “Do we want a Taxi Amigo ? “…… well you know the Cap`n , he said to one of them “ Can I have a Taxi back to the Ship “ it was only 20 yards away ……. Ooopps !… I some how got the impression that they were not amused …. serves them right !!.

Thankful to be back onboard , I just felt a little disappointed that our last day was marred by stress . Tonight at Dinner , Suresh was his usual absent self and Jose presented us with the Menu`s from our Cruise , so it`s sorry Cap`n it`s back to the diet next week , just hard work and gruel until the next Cruise , I refuse to buy yet another Tuxedo in the next size upwards !.

As I pack the cases to leave it was noticed you are not allowed to lock your cases going through Mexican Security !! , I am not happy at all about this. Our cases are being transported through airport security with no protection at all. When we queried this , the staff assured us that nothing goes missing , me I am not bothered what goes missing , it is what is added that is my problem !!……. “Excuse me Madam does this belong to you ?” ……. “Yes I regularly bring a bag of Coke back from my holidays , just for recreational purpose`s “ …. How Mad is that !!!. We have been travelling through more Drug related Countries in the past fortnight and you are not allowed to lock your cases , that we were not told be P & O or our travel advisors is pathetically poor as far as I`m concerned . So I leave outside my cabin our cases ,which I will not see until my arrival at Manchester and hope I will not be met by `Rosie` the Spaniel drug Dog !.


Saturday 24th Jan 2009 ……… Disembarkation Day .


7am …….. We could have kept our cabin until 4:00 pm for £40.00 or £50.00 for a Balcony …. Just another money making scheme from Carnival PLC …….. many Hotels in Europe have a room where you can freshen up , to charge £ 20.00 for towels to use to freshen up is quite frankly out of order , does the £40 or £50 pounds go to the Cabin Crew who have to make up these rooms again ? …. No I don`t think so …. All of you who paid this price had no idea that Mr & Mrs CJ were travelling and you would be delayed and you all paid for extra time , only to guess what ….. be delayed by 3 and a half hours before leaving Artemis for the airport …. `How refreshed do you feel now for £40.00 ?.

Left for Acapulco International Airport ……… with only two screens with flight times …… neither of which were working !, and there are my cases going through with less and less confidence !. The usual hanging about in the Airport sort of a day ……… the Cap`n had been on the internet this morning and found out that we were already 2 hours delayed at 10:00am ………. They didn`t inform us until 4:50 pm !! …….. they just don`t seem to know it`s 2009 and the Techies are in the know …….. they can`t fool us now !.

Finally shipped on to the plane at 12:15am ……… when we boarded we were told that we were flying to Miami for a Crew change and re-fuel ….. I could by now have ripped someone’s head off !!. I have now been awake for 17 hours and do not feel very hospitable. At Miami Airport our `One hour standby` turned into the usual … TWO ……. And finally flew for home at God knows when !. I am extremely sorry to whinge on but having a wonderful two weeks rest and relaxation this has taken a huge toll on my half full reserves !.

Life gives us these opportunities and we must grasp them but , and I mean but , there are times when I question my `God` who move in mysterious ways to say …. “ Okay , you have had a dream Holiday , and now back to reality” poor service , poorer food and the Spondulitas in my neck from attempting to sleep sat up for 7 and a half hours …. `Where the hell did I pack my Ibuprofen …. It will probably be with `Rosie` the Drug Dog when we meet at Manchester Airport` ……. I just want to be home and in my Bed and don`t you know it …… I`m in work on Monday ! .

We finally arrive at Manchester 2 Hours late and eventually land home at 8:40pm Sunday ….. we are far too wired to sleep and will it will possibly take me the rest of the week to catch up.

Well on a final note …… was it worth it ? …… the answer is …… you bet it was ……. In life a little rain will fall and if the last part is the only rain , then bring it on !

Hope you all enjoyed my Journal ……. And I hope to meet you all again ……. August 09 from the Baltic Cruise …….. with you know who !!.

Mrs Cap`n Jack …… AKA ….. Sandra ….. and of course …… My Cap`n Jack ……. Peter …. Xxx